i am damn tired. i have been working on a first draft of a new short story for my possible grad school submission and could use some valuable feedback. here is a rough draft of my first paragraph which is generally the most important paragraph -- as a writer has to immediately grab attention and interest. my question here is, does this paragraph make you want to read more? any additional feedback along with it would be greatly appreciated. i am not interested in whether it is good or bad, as this is a first draft and needs a lot more work - i just would like to see if the initial idea presented is interesting enough in your eyes. thanks in advance.